So the rebellion becomes two-fold. 1) You have to make the initial choice to embrace your body as it is. 2) You have to continue to believe in your own conviction, despite constant messages from others that you are wrong.I want to learn to embrace my body and also not be fat. The reality is, even if I lose a lot of weight, that my body will still have flaws. It will be too lumpy in one place or too flat in another. My nose will still be too wide and my head too small. I want to learn to love myself. And this one of the great lessons of the fat acceptance movement. But I also don't want to be fat.
Can I love myself and be committed to changing at the same time? And this flows over into other aspects of myself, not just my body. Can I love myself, my disordered brain and the personality that comes with it, while still trying to funtion more "normally"?
In other news, the Tanita tells me I only weigh 224, but still have the same body fat percentage that I've been getting based on height/weight/measurements with an online calculator. So I'm fatter than I thought, but I weigh less. I think this means that I'm even more out of shape than previously imagined. With the emphasis on imagined. Nearly half of me is solid fat. Which I find kind of gross to think about.
These photos I took last August, but I'm about the same right now:
Though I rarely look this good when I look in the mirror. Especially without clothes on.
1 comment:
I'm not here to tell you what to do, but I will say that I was never able to really take care of my body until I accepted it as is. Never. Up until then it was really only punishment and restriction and intense feelings of shame and sadness when I tried to move my body.
But once I accepted my body, my fat body, an amazing thing happened. I didn't lose weight, and well, I wasn't focused on that personally...but I did pursue healthier habits because once I loved my body, I found it was easier to treat it properly. From all I have seen, body shame only leads people to harm their bodies or lose faith in them and not use them or enjoy them at all.
Good luck.
Withoutscene
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