Yesterday's Numbers

In all the excitement while I considered becoming a terrorist, I forgot to post my numbers from yesterday's weigh-in. I track weight, BF% and measurements every week. I haven't decided if it's worth posting all my measurements every week or not. There's not much weekly change. Anyway, progress numbers from yesterday in the side bar.

Can I be self-accepting and on a diet at the same time?

I was reading The Rotund who was writing about bad days and being bombarded by bad news. And she said:

So the rebellion becomes two-fold. 1) You have to make the initial choice to embrace your body as it is. 2) You have to continue to believe in your own conviction, despite constant messages from others that you are wrong.

I want to learn to embrace my body and also not be fat. The reality is, even if I lose a lot of weight, that my body will still have flaws. It will be too lumpy in one place or too flat in another. My nose will still be too wide and my head too small. I want to learn to love myself. And this one of the great lessons of the fat acceptance movement. But I also don't want to be fat.

Can I love myself and be committed to changing at the same time? And this flows over into other aspects of myself, not just my body. Can I love myself, my disordered brain and the personality that comes with it, while still trying to funtion more "normally"?

In other news, the Tanita tells me I only weigh 224, but still have the same body fat percentage that I've been getting based on height/weight/measurements with an online calculator. So I'm fatter than I thought, but I weigh less. I think this means that I'm even more out of shape than previously imagined. With the emphasis on imagined. Nearly half of me is solid fat. Which I find kind of gross to think about.

These photos I took last August, but I'm about the same right now:


Though I rarely look this good when I look in the mirror. Especially without clothes on.